Rock Police barks a lot and lurks in the darkest corners of a bar, drinking cheap beer. RP wears tribal shirts that’s gotten a size too small. This makes RP very angry. Therefore they hate all the music that’s been made after they turned 30. Mostly nocturnal species, Rock Police can be spotted commonly at any time of day during the summer festival season.

Jazz Police on the other hand is more rare, and they’re almost never seen outdoors. JP can easily be recognized by their threatening frown – especially on the nasal area – and their arms crossed posture. JP’s can be domesticated with great patience and conditioning with 1980’s italian disco music.

Classical Police is fortunately an endangered species. These funny little creatures can be spotted during intermission in your local opera house, foraging for strudels and cognac. CP’s are deceivingly calm beings. They seems harmless, but when their opinions are questioned, they will attack and fiercely claim that no good music has been made since 1812.

GROOVE POLICE. Well, I’m sure they exist.